kalachelone:

ntgforever:

supersciencegeek:

My child is autistic. He doesn’t do well with change. Even little things that would be meaningless to most people.

For example, his hairbrush was getting old and worn. He had chewed the end of it. The cats had chewed some bristles. It was dirty and dusty. But I didn’t say anything. Because it’s his hairbrush.

Finally, he said he thinks it’s time for a new brush. Ok, I say, we’ll put it on the shopping list, and get one next time we’re in town.

So we go to town and we go to the store. There are many hairbrushes to choose from. He picks one and they even have it in his favorite color. We buy it, take it home, and remove the packaging.

I go to put it on the shelf where the old hairbrush is. Can we throw out the old one, I ask.

That’s when he stops. That’s when he freezes and gets a momentary look of panic on his face. Throw out the old one? That hadn’t occurred to him.

Because here’s the thing. Hair brushing is a part of his morning routine. And not just hair brushing, but hair brushing with that particular brush. To most people, the act of hair brushing is the routine, but not the brush itself. The objects are interchangeable. But not to my child. Not to someone with autism. The brush itself is just as important as the act of brushing.

So I take a breath. I put the old brush down. Think about it, I say. Let me know tomorrow what you want to do with this brush.

He decides. He realizes keeping an old hairbrush is not necessary. But it’s still important to him. So he asks if I can cut off one bristle. To keep. As a memory of the old hairbrush.

I don’t laugh. I don’t tell him it’s silly. I respect his need. I cut off the bristle. He puts it in his treasure box, along side some smooth rocks, beads, sparkly decals, a Santa Claus charm from a classmate, a few other things meaningful to him.

He throws the old hairbrush away himself. He is able to move on, and accept the change.

THIS IS HOW YOU RAISE AUTISTIC CHILDREN.

As an Autistic person, can I add that we often hold onto things that work. Our sensory issues mean that we can tell minute differences between things like bristle spacing, hardness, even the specific sounds different brushes make against our skulls. Two brushes that seem identical to NTs can produce extremely different sensory experiences to us. The wrong hair brush - do I even have to get into the sensory nightmare that hair care can be? - can literally push us toward meltdowns.

So yeah, if we find that perfect brush that does the job without any sensory problems, we are going to want to hold onto that brush FOREVER. I have a wide toothed comb I have used for 15 years because it works and I know how it’ll feel. If I ever have to give that comb up, I’m going to be stressed until I am sure the replacement works just as well.